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Dilluns un altre cop? Ostres si que m'he penjat... Em sap greu.La setmana anterior comentava la poca disposició que tenia a l'hora de posar-me a estudiar els temes de la nova banda de funk. No és que només em fés mandra, també em feia pànic pensar que no seria capaç de treure cap so similar a les fantàstiques demos que m'havien passat els meus nous companys. Com sempre, havia accedit a la seva petició fent-me una mica el desmenjat i presentant d'antuvi les meves reserves i limitacions. Provem-ho -els dèia- a vuere si me'n surto.
La cosa estava clara: com que no sóc un guitarrista massa talentós havia d'invertir un munt d'estona a entendre les cançons i calcar-ne cada una de les notes, almenys per no fer el lluç en el primer assaig i no fer perdre el temps als altres components. Aquesta inversió de temps no va acabar de concretar-se fins a última hora.
Generalment no tinc massa clars els dies d'assaig perque, donat que jo tinc una bona disponibilitat en aquesta franja horària, els meus companys més atrafegats a nivell social solen fer i desfer segons els seus compromisos. D'aquesta manera, doncs, és normal que m'avisin amb unes hores d'antel.lació. Dimecres passat quan el meu nou mentor i mecenes musical es va aixecar de la cadira de la redacció per anar a dinar em va citar per aquell mateix vespre per fer el meu primer assaig amb Mama Funk / The Cinesse Restaurant.
-Què? NO! Encara no m'he tret els temes...
-Però si encara tens tota la tarda. Au, fins a les 20:00!
-T'ho mereixes, vaig pensar. Era molt conscient que no tindria prou temps per fer la feina perque estava sotmés als imperatius d'un jove pare de família amb una dona molt atrafegada i un espinguet esbravat. Vaig comptar les hores que restaven amb la mirada estràbica i amb el vertigen d'aquell qui ha agafat una feina de relacions internacionals i no sap un borrall d'anglès. Com que gestiono millor les situacions de crisi del que toco la guitarra, vaig enfilar-me al tren amb l'Ipod enganxat al cervell i amb el repeat etern a la llista dels 4 temes. Això, tot i que era útil, no va ajudar massa a millorar el meu estat anímic. A qui diantre se li havien acudit aquells riffs llarguíssims que es recargolaven endimoniats? Aquells ritmes desprenien una ferum exagerada a sobredosi de reflex al canell. Durant el trajecte que em separava de la meva obligada reclusió a l'altell de casa vaig estar a punt de caure un parell de cops. Afortunadament la for i nata de la Planura havia anat d'excursió cultural als dics de la Riera Seca i no van tenir l'oportunitat de cardarse de mi, rematar-me amb una ampolla de Xandy i cisar-me el tabac. Un cop a casa, vaig dinar a contrarrelotge i vaig entaforar la nina entre les urpes acollidores de la directora diabòlica del mini frenopàtic. Em vaig tancar a l'altell i als 20 segons d'escoltar el primer track em vaig encastar al terre.
-Perdona. T'he fet mal?
Un homenot tèrbol m'oferia la mà mentre sostenia, amb l'altra, la Les Paul Gold Top més robusta que mai havia vist. Precisament era amb el cos d'aquest musculat instrument amb el que m'havia propinat la immensa galeta.
-Em presento. Sóc el teu sentiment agudíssim d'inseguretat, però em pots dir Sai.
Mentre m'eixugava la sagnada que em brollava del nas i em recolzava trèmul a la pota de la taula li vaig preguntar:
-És autèntica la Les Paul o és xinesa?
-No, és un miratge. De fet és una totxana que sempre duc a la butxaca i que es transforma segons les necessitats del client.
En Sai era un paio educat a qui un col.lectiu misteriós havia enviat per espavilar-me una mica. Ràpidament es va apoltronar en els cubs d'Ikea i em va fer tocar. La seva missió era estomacar-me de valent fins a fer sortir la mescla necessària d'orgull, valentia i sentit comú per afrontar el primer assaig. La veritat és que veure aquell paio tant lleig i pudent clavar-me un mastegot amb una Les Paul imaginària cada cop que em lamentava va donar un resultat òptim. Quina ràbia que feia el miserable. Ell mateix, al cap de 90 minuts em va fer parar.
-Ho has fet molt bé. Penso que per avui ja ho podem deixar còrrer.
-D'acord. Gràcies. Vols pendre alguna cosa? Un cafetó?
-Tens moscatell?
En Sai era un autèntic fanàtic del Moscatell. Es va cascar una ampolla de Sardà en petites copetes que resultaven invisibles dins de les seves urpes tenyides de ronya. Quan anava pels dos terços del brevatge se li va afluixar la llengua i va fer el salt a les estrictes normes de confidencialitat que dicta, de manera tant severa, el col.lectiu misteriós. Em va explicar la quantitat de vegades que havia hagut de pegar a paios amb penis (imaginaris) gegants farcits de totxanes. Fins i tot n'hi va haver un (un cas perdut en deia ell) a qui va apallissar amb un penis gegant, una ampolla de Bourbon i dues totxanes que imitaven les Twin Towers en el seu esplendor. També em va parlar d'un guitarrista Osonenc que havia estat irrecuperable perque havia mutat el sentiment d'inseguretat per una insensatesa atroç. Quin paio en Sai. Les havia vist de tots colors. Quan va acabar l'ampolla la totxana va recuperar la seva forma original i se la va amagar a la butxaca.
-No vull donar la nota pel carrer- Va dir. -D'ara en endavant has de fer una mica més de cas a la gent que confia en tu i d'aquesta manera t'estalviaràs un bon gec d'hòsties. De totes maneres, no oblidis comprar una altra ampolla de Moscatell perque és possible que em deixi caure per aqui un altre dia- I em va clucar l'ull palpant-se la totxana.
-D'acord. Gràcies per tot Sai, ets un paio molt trempat.
En arribar a l'assaig les coses van anar més aviat rodades. Es veu que els meus nous companys tampoc esperaven que jo fós un monstre del groove i els van semblar força bé els udols que emetia la meva telecaster nova. Cada cop que m'atrevia amb una tímida aportació pròpia, abaixava el cap esperant un mastegot letal, però en vaig sortir il.lès i, sobretot molt content. Com és habitual en mi, cada cop que surto d'un assaig amb temes nous, em desperto l'endemà cantant-ne un riff o una melodia. Dijous mentre esmorzavem amb l'Atz li vaig tocar tres o quatre trocets ultra funkys que la van fer saltar de la trona. Va ser fantàstic. Del pati estant, vaig veure a en Sai que entrava a casa dels veïns amb una parabòlica gegant mentre em feia la senyal de la victòria. Quin paio en Sai.
entrada de Onofre Bouvila @ 13:33
20 comentarios:
Dona-li records a en Sai. A mi em va dir que si volia apartar-lo de la meva vista em deixés créixer una patilla ben grossa. Ho vaig fer i mano de santo, tu, ara recorro escenáris de tant en tant amb la ptilla a coll i bé i ja no el veig apareixer.
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